i suck to the max....

why am i sayin this???
i oso donno actually....hehe :P
ok le, i noe le but it is some kinda stupid reason why le...
i am really seriously slacking in my studies n my service to God... *i can't believe i am typing this out*
i feel like crying when i say this but i seriously am dissapointed in myself...
i cant believe i can let so many ppl down...
argh...i am so geram at myself since saturday nite...
i cant believe why i cant just feel confident n not fear...
it is seriously easy to say but hard to do...
u might ask why so scared all of a sudden after song-leading for so many times de...
but still i donno... its just that anxious n fearful feeling...
i am in utter despair... i am like facing an exam which is playing with my emotions...
i am so weak but still i feel strong at the same time...
i am so stuck in between of stuff...
i really wanna change n i thk lots of ppl who are praying for me but ...
God, are u really moulding me???
or are You moulding me but i just cant accept it??
i am so blurr n confused...
i really wanna CHANGE... *huhu -sobs*

i really am losing myself at times...
all might seem well with me but am i really well???
i myself dont know le... how stupid rite, you are you and you dont know how u feel... *stupid gladys*
how will my reflections show who am i truly on the inside???
i am losing my guts all of a sudden...
it is like i am losing wat i've got best in my life...
can someone pls HELP!!!
help me be a better song-leader with good leadership qualities as well...
i sort of have this meter which grades my performance n my meter is showing me that i am so suck-y...
argh, why am i feeling this???
i dont care wat ppl say bout me but i always grade myself ...
i seriously dont even noe wat i am talkin about...
but i am not happy n not satisfied with my achievements now...
i really wanna do more n serve God with all my heart but things cant seem to turn out the way i want them to be...
am i the only one facing this??? i feel so alone... but i know i have You...

all i can do is just pray n i hope that all of u can pls pray for me as well whenever u feel like it...
oh, God pls help me out of the lies of the enemy...
i dont wanna sin anymore... but why is this world so cruel?? cant i just live a life which is plesant n righteous in Your sight...
pls help me to build up n not be contented with the situation n status i am in... i want more of u oh Lord...
fill me up once again n rip out my sorrow-ful yet dry heart...
i wanna be IGNITED n FIRED up for u JESUS!!!
i dont wanna be just an ordinary girl who just watches the world go round...
i wanna be the girl who makes the world go round n move with it...
i wanna make a DIFFERENCE in ppls life n touch hearts for Jesus...
this is truly my passion but God pls help me fulfill my service to You...
You had never ever failed me but i am sorry for failing You most of the time...
not my will but Your will be done, oh Lord...
this life is not my own... i lay them down at the alter n pls use me as u wish, oh Lord...
i cast all my cares upon You for Your yoke is easy n Your burden is lite...
i count on You n when i am weak, i am made strong in You...
i dont wanna depend on my own strength but i wanna fully depend on You... the maker n holder of my life....
i shall give thks in everything n blessed is your name on high... AMEN!!!