*random-ness*

these few weeks had been hard for me to go thru...
haih... i realize that sometimes ppl might feel differently than wat you feel bout yourself...
n of coz if someone comments bout me i wud try to change n accept it le...
but sometimes it is hard...

i had these so-called character cheqs by my mom le the past few weeks..
of coz its some kinda nagging to me ler... u noe le children are like that wan...
anyway, it was so hard to accept what she said about me...
i dont feel like i am the person she say i am...
i am so frustrated n confused...
cant she see that i cant be perfect... as if le she very perfect lidat...
sometimes ppl see things in us but don't they realize that we also see things bout them??
odd isnt it... why ppl can tell us their views bout us n yet they cant accept the views of others bout them...
i dont get it why she has to discourage me rather than to give me her fullest support on the things that i do...
i am so faking my life here...just like putting on a mask...
everyday is like...gladz is very funny n lame n stuff like dat but deep in side it hurts at time...
i mean that i am what i am but sometimes i just close up all my sorrows deep within me...

everytime when i ask God to break me n mould me to be a person with good character n bla bla bla..
am i really wanting to change??
when i want God to teach me to be a person that has good qualities...
am i letting Him teach or am i just listening but not acting to it???
i really want to change no matter in watsoever character i am...
to be better le of coz... but i need Your help Lord...

hehe... actually i feel that i am a total fake ler...
you see me differently at home n when i go to school i am sort of a different kinda gladz n in church i feel like i am another different kinda gladz... i feel so knocked out n frustrated about the change in character in different environment n fwens...
it is so sickening to act being innocent n good in front of your fwens while you yourself at home bash up your sis n scold your mom,rite...
ummm, i dont mean that i am that kinda person...but sometimes i am le but not till the bashing up of sisters n scoldoing mom le...haha :)
i am still quai but am i truly a quai person???
i want to know my real character... at times you might get confused of who you really are...
the change of various masks sinks the true character n face that God had given unto us...
isnt God sad to see that why His creation dont appreciate the charater He had planted in us but turn to masks to hide their true feelings n characters...
if i am God i will truly be sad in the bottom of my heart...

now, i dont wanna make God sad anymore n i really wanna be what God has made me to be like...
i dont care whether u say that i take advantage of ppl n also sell fish... i dont mind...
if u see me that way then let it be... but i still wanna change le so pls tell me if i am one...
but if i show u wat u are like i hope that you can take it too...
no hard feeling le coz we are meant to teach each other n mould each other to be more Christ-like mer...

hah...finally it is out from my herat wat i truly felt...
i guess this is all for today le...
see you ppl in ignite tonite n take care fellow readers...
Have an awesome n great day finding out who you really are n God Bless You!!!